Hey Kids. Jay and Silent Bob are Coming To LRG
Hey Kids. Jay and Silent Bob are Coming To LRG
Chronic Blunt Punching their way into your heart, or at least your home consoles, in their new side-scrolling brawling adventure.
In Jay and Silent Bob: Chronic Blunt Punch, Times’ve gotten real tough for our hustlers lately. Their “Clientele” has disappeared and instead of getting nine-to-five jobs, the famed hetero lifemates does what they does best, goes on a mission to get to the bottom of finding out which punks are stopping their devil’s lettuce slanging hustle.
Now, we’re not talking the scary illegal stuff. No one wants to deal with cartels and turf wars, man. Just… a happy little puff that leaves you feeling carefree. Smelling a little dank. And maybe with a major case of the munchies. That’s right, the sweet bud. Sister Mary Jane. C’mon, man. You know what we mean. Don’t make us say it.
Also, where’s an Egga-Mooby Muffin when you need one?
Anyway, time was when the best chance you had to score a little of the good stuff was to slip a few bills to the local who’s always lurking around the convenience store. And hope he wasn’t a narc. These days, it’s way easier. All you gotta do is stop by the local dispensary. It’s all licensed and legal. The shops are clean and bright and you don’t have to buy snacks and a wad of cash to degens outside of a convenience store.
They have varieties of the stuff now, certified strains with gimmicky, corporate-sounding names. There’s no art to it anymore, man. No danger. How are you gonna risk the thrill of a bad trip when the stuff you buy has a freakin’ pedigree?
And that, kids, is probably why Jay and Silent Bob are in a mean mood in Jay & Silent Bob: Chronic Blunt Punch for PlayStation 5 and Switch LRG exclusive. The game will be complete with a new checkpoint system, remixed enemies, new boss patterns, cancelable combos and upgraded players speed, and a new hit box detection system. How are a couple of lovable chuckleheads supposed to get by in a world like this? The Man moved in on their turf, and they’re takin’ it real personal.
They’re on a mission, and no amount of goofballs and weirdos are gonna stop them.
And neither is bandwidth. Ain’t gonna stop you, either. Yeah, we know you’ve been surfing the web for free by sponging low-grade wi-fi from your neighbor down the street, but that means you’ve got such a crap connection that you can never seem to download a game. You’re still playing Astro Bot all these years later since it’s the only thing that came preinstalled. No worries. Jay and Silent Bob get you. They’re the kings of freeloaders. They’re like your patron saints. That’s why Chronic Blunt Punch is coming to physical, on Switch and PS5, no download required. And nothing will ever be the same again.
Or at least your console will never be the same. Does it smell like smoke to you? Not, like, electrical fire smoke. You know. That other kind of smoke.
Look, dude. Or dudette. Or whatever you are. Just turn on (your alerts), tune in (to LRG’s social channels), drop out. And save that wad of bills you woulda handed over to the shady guy outside the convenience store back in the good ol’ days for when preorders start.
Also, some dude just handed us a note and said we’re supposed to tell you about all the cool new stuff in this “version 1.5” of the game, whatever that means. Apparently it’s so good now that it counts as a game and a half? Here’s the deets on that additional half they just added:
- New checkpoint system
- Remixed enemies and enemy balancing
- New enemy variations
- New boss battle patterns
- Cancelable combos and movement
- Faster combat speed
- Faster player speed
- Updated hitbox detection
- Balanced enemies
- Performance optimization
- Sprite optimization
That seems pretty cool, yeah? Guess you really got to buy this game now.